The day prior to my departure, God started to speak and continued throughout the duration of the conference.
The “She Speaks” Conference became “God speaks!”
Jehovah, knowing I am a visual learner, taught me through some painful, but powerful, object lessons that weekend.
Object lesson # 1 – My reflection in my bathroom mirror as I dressed for my early morning flight.
“You are concerned with your outward appearance and have missed some dirt on the inside. Your heart carries blemishes of offense, and as a result, you have become judgmental.”
My heart broke with the weight of the ugliness of my sin. I knew EXACTLY what God was talking about.
Object lesson # 2 – The lockdown of the tiny Charlotte, NC airport for 1 1/2 hours upon my flight’s arrival, due to the finding of a concealed weapon in the luggage of a passenger going through security.
“Take care of the “threats” hiding in your life. The enemy has a foothold in some areas. He will use them to destroy you, and in the process, hurt others as well.”
Object lesson # 3 – Waking up in the wee hours of Friday morning, the first day of the conference, violently ill for several hours.
“A clean heart happens only after I (God) spew out all the ugliness and sickness you allowed in. It is not pretty. It is painful. It is necessary!”
Object lesson # 4 – Saturday morning, I wake up with a sore eye which worsened throughout the morning.
“Your “self” focus has to go. Your eyes cannot be on who you are but on who I AM.”
When my eye did not improve by lunch break, a pity party broke out.
I had come to this conference expecting… good things, blessings. Instead, it was one battle after another! Then, the accuser (Rev 12:10) started picking at me like a crow picks at garbage.
“How can God ever use you?”
“God cannot love you!”
“Look at the mess you are in.”
“THAT sin is unforgivable!”
Quickly, the confidence in my calling, and in the God who called me, evaporated.
Interrupting my pity party, a voice whispered in my heart “Go to the prayer room.”
Several times throughout the conference, we were encouraged to visit the prayer room. There, we would find special cards arranged on tables; each card bearing one of the various titles of God. The conference team had prayerfully placed each attendee’s name (500 in all) around the cards, according to where the Holy Spirit had directed. Knowing that God reveals Himself through His titles, we were to go find our name, to see what personal message God had for us.
With trepidation, I made my way down.
The blanket of God’s presence wrapped around me the moment I entered the room. Printed on the cards were the names “Elohim,” “El Elyon,” “El Shaddai,” “Jehovah,” “Jehovah Jireh,” “El Roi,” and so on. However, nearing the end of the last table, not yet finding my name, disappointment replaced anticipation.
“Look again,” I heard in my heart.
Halfway through my second, much slower search, my one good eye found my name. Holding my breath, I looked over to see which title of God was on the table where my name lay.
I read the name again, letting its soothing balm heal my heart.
With which title of God had women who had never met me – the attendee with the unclean heart – prayerfully placed my name?
Jehovah Tsidkenu–“The Lord our Righteousness” (Jeremiah 23:6).
The word righteousness means “declared innocent!”
Of all the names God uses to reveal Himself to us, none is more sweet, comforting and full of hope than Jehovah Tsidkenu.
Like the nation of Israel, I had allowed an evil king (self) to sit on the throne of my heart. Yet, God gave Israel a promise through the prophet Jeremiah, revealing to them a new name. That promise, given so long ago, was for me as well. It was the name of a promised, righteous King.
The pursuit of sinful man’s righteousness began 2000 years ago with a cry from a manger, and it concluded victoriously with the cry from the cross – “IT IS FINISHED!” Jehovah Tsidkenu covers us with HIS righteousness.
Is there any sin too dark that even Jehovah Tsidkenu (my righteousness) cannot cover?
My righteousness is not based on feelings. It is a fact!
Difficulties arise when, after salvation, we still try to earn our righteousness. We try to keep the law, forgetting that Jesus supplied the demands of the law for us! Many strive, inanely, in their pursuit for perfection, thinking it will keep them in God’s good graces. Jehovah does not ask for us to pursue perfection, but to pursue a perfect God.
We also forget (or are unaware) that upon salvation, three enemies arise to defeat us – the world, Satan and our flesh. Some of us can withstand the lure of the world. Others have no problem in recognizing the enemy as a defeated foe. Everyone, however, struggles with his or her sin nature. Many of us practice crucifying the flesh, but to our dismay, it soon resurrects itself.
It is only through Jehovah Tsidkenu alone that I can win the battle over my flesh each day!
I need to continue to pray “Create in me a clean heart, O Lord” Psalm 51:10.
I need to submit and repent when He shows me my uncleanness.
Believing that the grace that saves me is the same grace that sustains me, I must move to the next step. I need to walk on confidently, wearing my robe of righteousness (Isaiah 61:10), which Christ paid for with his lifeblood, instead of wearing the shabby robe of condemnation which belongs to the enemy!
“In the teeth of all thy sins, believe that He is thy righteousness still. Thy good works do not improve His righteousness. Thy bad deeds do not sully it. This is a robe which thy best deeds cannot mend and thy worst deeds cannot mar. Thou standest in Him, not in thyself.”
Which robe are YOU choosing to wear today?